31 Ways To Stay Skinny Fat

Portrait of an athletic girl. Beautiful young sport fitness model getting ready for jogging in city park.
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Skinny fat explains those with high levels of body fat, and low levels of muscle tone. In short, not a good look at the beach or in the bedroom.

However it’s not all about appearance. Those suffering from SFD [Skinny Fat Disease] might have a healthy scale weight, however they have metabolic profiles that would normally be associated with obesity and metabolic syndrome.

The clients who I’ve been lucky enough to help with their body transformation have had common traits: they stick to a plan, they don’t make excuses, and they work their butt off, to name a few.

But if that sounds like too much hard work, here’s an easier way. My top 31 tips on how to stay skinny fat. 

  1. Keep drinking lots of booze.

Wash down your dinner every night with a vino or two. And on the weekends, have a little more to ‘relax.’

  1. Treat yoself. Daily.

Justify your sweet tooth every day by saying you need the treat. It helps to add the #treatyoself hashtag to your posts.

  1. Neglect sleep.

Sleep WILL affect all aspects of your life, but to stay skinny fat then make sure you have 3-6 hours of poor-quality sleep.

  1. Eat 6 meals per day to ‘stoke your metabolism’

Because my trainer told me so. 12 years ago…

  1. Program hop.

We truly are in the information age. There are a gazillion free training guides, blogs, diet plans and books floating around today. It’s no wonder most people feel overwhelmed. I know I sure did. I was jumping from HIIT training, to barbell complexes, to German Volume Training, to some extreme program in my bid for a badass body.

It’s only when you stick with something for 6 months that you will progress, so keep switching if you want to go no where, and keep reading blog after blog and taking no action.

  1. Check your email and social media first thing in the morning.

If you want to be unproductive, do this instead of doing the 1-2 daily tasks that will move you forward. In fact, stay on email and FaceBook all day and tell everyone how busy you are.

  1. Don’t drink any water.
  1. Stay comfortable.

Don’t take challenges or risks, as this could result in failure. Instead, stay in your comfort zone and stick to the rules.

  1. Take a trip to “Someday Aisle”

You know the one… someday I’ll…. Start a new diet. Someday I’ll… get out of my shitty job and start living my dream. Stay on somebody aisle to be average and stay skinny fat.

  1. Never stand up for what you believe.

Let others dictate your values, actions and opinions. Because if you stand up for your beliefs, somebody just might happen to disagree, and you don’t want that.

  1. Stress more.

Guaranteed to make you feel more anxious, tired and get less done. Plus it makes you look a few decades older.

  1. Don’t be accountable.

This could be in business, finances or especially in your health. You’d hate to have to be accountable to somebody and be pushed to achieve results. So don’t be.

  1. Neglect your mental health.

You’ve heard of the benefits of meditation, but it’s a bit woo woo. Instead mock people who meditate, and put up with a stressed and anxious mind.

  1. Hang out with morons and arseholes.
  1. Don’t read books or watch interesting documentaries.

Watch soap operas and read gossip mags instead.

  1. Eat as much junk as you can fit into your macros.

‘Clean eating’ is so 1990. Instead I’m going to squeeze as much junk into my diet every day and ignore whole foods.

  1. Don’t learn how to cook.

Never bother on learning how to prepare a beautiful home cooked meal. That’s overrated. And you’ve got no time, anyway.

  1. Make excuses.

Screw taking 100% responsibility for your life. Instead, blame your peers, the weather, your parents, the new government, or your shitty boss. Blame them all.

  1. Hit snooze.

In fact set an alarm for 5am every morning, but in the back of your mind you know that you will snooze until 7am.

  1. Screw learning.

You know everything anyway. So don’t bother going to seminars in your field, reading books, and expanding your mind. You’ll forget most of it anyway, and it’s just a waste of money.

  1. Ignore your flexibility.

Who’s got time to work on that? I’ll deal with a stiff back and crook knees later in life.

  1. Don’t focus.

“The wolf that chases two rabbits at the same time goes hungry.” So try to do 50 things every day and finish none of them, instead of doing just 1 and giving it 100% of your time and energy until it’s completed well.

  1. Do hours of cardio each week.

And prioritize it over strength training and body weight training.

  1. Keep doing ‘body part training.’

Keep training like it’s 1995. Perform ‘chest day’ and then ‘back day’ and then ‘arm day’ instead of training key areas multiple times per week.

  1. Never keep data

Instead of tracking your key lifts, body fat percentage and fitness levels, just wing it.

  1. Avoid protein.

It will make you bulky.

  1. Skip greens

Green veggies are hard to cook, don’t last very long in the fridge, and have no flavor. So skip them in favor of cheap carbs and quick meals.

  1. Ignore gut health
  1. Keep eating egg whites.

Because the yolk will make you fat.

  1. Worry about eating carbs at night.

Because we all know carbs after 4pm go straight to your waist.

There you have it. 31 ways to stay skinny fat this year. What would you add to the list?